


The Power of Flex Seal

by HidansCrazyLaugh



Category: Naruto
Genre: But not quite, Flex Seal, M/M, everyone dies, kakuhidadei, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 12:26:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15339858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HidansCrazyLaugh/pseuds/HidansCrazyLaugh
Summary: Deidara gets revenge on Kakuzu and Hidan and then tries to fix it with Flex Seal and Flex Tape.





	The Power of Flex Seal

**Author's Note:**

> This has no happy ending, it's your last warning. Read and laugh and then be sad.

Deidara was outside smoking a cigarette while Hidan and Kakuzu were having sex on the couch. He couldn’t stand it, they never invited him to participate, had sex anywhere and everywhere and after months of dropping some not-so-subtle hints, and outright asking if he could join them, explaining how he felt towards them and still nothing, he was going to make them pay.

With his cigarette between his lips, he shoved his hand into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out his lighter, then went into the shed and got his fire crackers and then pulled out Kakuzu’s stupid little fishing boat. 

“Kakuzu’s so fucking cheap, yeah, won’t even buy some fish from the store, would rather hunt them down himself, hm. Not no more he won’t.” Deidara laughed as he dumped his firecrackers into the bottom of the boat and then reached in to light them, throwing in his lit cigarette for good measure. He kicked the boat away from himself and watched as they went off. It was loud and awesome to him and he wondered if the two stupid fucking lovebirds could hear it. Probably not, they were too loud. 

After everything died down, Deidara went to check the damage but there wasn’t any. The firecrackers were no match for the power of steel. So he got out his blow torch and welding hood and cut out a hole in the bottom, laughing as he worked.

The next morning Hidan woke Deidara before the sun came up, “Get outta bed, ya lazy bum.” Hidan said as he kicked Deidara off the side of the bed, “Today’s fishin’ day.”

Deidara got up and pretended that nothing was wrong at all, and made sure to stretch in front of his friend and roommate, making sure Hidan saw his taut muscles, running his hand down his front, stopping at the waistband of his sweats, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be ready soon.”

Five minutes later, loud cursing came from the backyard and Kakuzu stormed into the house,  
“DEIDARA!!” 

“Fuck.” Deidara locked his bedroom door and hid in the bathroom.

“What happened?!” Hidan asked, chasing after Kakuzu who had a baseball bat in his hand.

“That fucker ruined my boat!!” 

“Deidara wouldn’t do that.”

“Oh, but Deidara would.” Deidara laughed to himself as he cowered in the bathroom, then stopped suddenly when his bedroom door was kicked in and soon after, the bathroom door.  
“You’re paying for a new boat, blondie!” Kakuzu growled, “You’re lucky I don’t kill you for that stunt!”

“Well maybe if you and Hidan didn’t have sex everywhere it wouldn’t have fucking happened!” Deidara shouted.

“Or maybe if we invited you to our sex parties?” Hidan asked, “That’s what it is, isn’t it? You’re fucking jealous. Well, sorry to break it to you but Kakuzu is barely capable of having feelings for me. Pretty sure he has no more feelings to spare for you. And he’d probably kill me if I slept with you myself without him. So, while I’d love to help you out, Dei, and I really mean it because I really fucking like you, I’m afraid I can’t.” Hidan actually looked rather sad about it.

“Oh.” Deidara said sadly, and Hidan and Kakuzu were sure they saw his eyes shimmer with tears and noticed the half used box of tissues on his nightstand.

Hidan looked over at Kakuzu who was watching Deidara closely but said nothing and after several moments he left, “You’re still paying for that boat!” 

Later Deidara went online and ordered Flex Seal and Flex Tape, and saw they were having a contest where you could send in pictures of your Flex Seal projects and you would be entered to win a prize, so he made a mental note to remember to do that. 

A few days later a package arrived and Deidara opened it and went outside to repair the boat with it. Since there was no extra screen door lying around, Deidara threw the can of Flex Seal over his shoulder into the shed and got out the Flex Tape. It was more difficult than the commercial made it look and he got it stuck in his hair, on his arms, on his face, before finally securing it down over the giant hole he had made. 

"Yeah, that should hold. I hope." and then he announced to Kakuzu that he fixed it. 

They went out on the lake the next morning and everything was fine, Deidara even took a picture to send in for the contest. Then they noticed a little water leaking in under the Flex Tape. Kakuzu looked slightly worried but a little water was ok. It was ok until they were out in the middle and water started pouring in at an alarming rate.

“Oh shit!” Hidan shouted, “What do we do?!”

“Deidara you said you fixed my boat!”

“I did!” Deidara was trying to scoop water out with his hands as it was starting to cover his feet, “The commercial showed a man fixing his boat with this shit! He even went in shark infested waters!”

“We have to swim for it!” Hidan shouted, the boat starting to sink, “Kakuzu, carry me!”

“Carry me, too!” Deidara shouted, clinging to him.

“Why would I do that? Just swim!” Kakuzu said as they flipped over, landing in the cold water with a splash as the boat sank beneath the water.

“I can’t fuckin’ swim!” Hidan screamed in his ear.

Deidara screamed in his other ear, “Neither can I!” 

“Well...we’re fucked.” Kakuzu said, trying to stay afloat but it was very difficult with two grown men hanging off him, one who weighed almost as much as he did, and why had they never thought to tell him that they couldn't swim?! They didn't even have life jackets.

They started to sink, unable to keep above the surface, inhaling water and Kakuzu was getting tired. Deidara supposed there were worse ways to die, he was at least dying for his art and pettiness. 

“We have to die because you were so fucking jealous!” Hidan shouted as he gasped for air when Kakuzu was able to get them back up above the surface of the water.

“We’re dying for art!” Deidara shouted, “ART!” 

“We’re dying because we’re all fucking stupid and you two can’t swim.” Kakuzu gasped, he was really tired now and as he inhaled he started going under again, taking Deidara and Hidan with him.

As they sank, their lungs burned as they filled with water, and Kakuzu thought it was rather sad that he didn’t get to tell Deidara to come join him and Hidan in bed later that night and that he really cared for him, too. 

They landed on the sandy lake bottom, Hidan and Deidara still clinging to Kakuzu. They would never let go.

 

The End


End file.
